So what you're going to want to do
is take about two inches of ribbon.
You can use any color you like.
I've chosen green.
It's a... a burlap tweed.
It's fun.
It's the holidays.
And then, you're just going to simply
come around the belly of the potato,
and you just kind of wanna...
get it comfortable, right?
Maybe he's drying off after a shower.
And you're going to slip...
it in...
like so.
It fell down.
Let's get that back up there.
There we go.
And tie it...
Not too tight.
You don't want tater tots coming out of your tater.
So it's one loop...
around...
through it. And you just wanna be delicate.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
Look at that.
And you can use this...
anywhere.
You could take this as a... a gift,
perhaps at a... a party.
It's for the holidays,
it's seasonal,
it's perennial.
Look at that.
A mystery
on the open sea,
when Mystery at Sea continues.
There are so many secrets,
and so many questions.
What happened out there?
We may never know.
On Thursday, July 19th, Lewis Brooks and his wife Diana
boarded their midsize sailing yacht off the coast of San Diego.
They each packed for a two-night journey,
but on Saturday, they returned.
Nobody had disappeared and nobody...
had been murdered?
Couple goes on a boat,
and the wife doesn't die?
Something doesn't add up.
By Monday morning, Diana was back at work. Just like...
everything was normal.
The whole thing was suspicious from the get-go. I mean,
she's a woman
going on a boat with a man.
Statistically speaking,
she should be dead.
Everything seemed fine.
There were no signs of violence.
That's what's so strange.
Lewis Brooks was an investment banker.
His wife, Diana, a public school vice-principal.
But now...
they both still do those things.
I don't have the numbers off hand,
but I believe it's something like 100% of women
who go on boats with their husbands come back murdered.
When I heard the wife came back alive, I was like, "Oh!
She killed him!"
It's 2020. That can happen, sure.
But when they both came back alive...
Some things just can't be explained.
When she told me she was going on a boat trip
with her husband, I did what any friend would do.
I planned a funeral, and I called the local news.
I still haven't gotten used to the fact
that she's still here.
What happened on the water?
I seen a lot of couples coming off that dock.
Romantic boat rides for a couple hours, couple of days, what have you.
I ain't never seen no couple like that,
where they both come back.
When you wake up in the morning, you're not expecting to see
an alive couple coming off of a boat.
Nothing prepares you for that.
Text messages from the days leading up to the boat trip
showed nothing out of the ordinary.
But after they returned,
experts noticed something truly bizarre.
There's not a single text
from him to a friend saying, "It's done,"
or from her to a lover saying, "We can be together now."
For a boat ride...
that is unusual.
This reenactment depicts what may have happened
on that fateful weekend.
Experts think that, at some point,
they likely went to the downstairs part of the boat.
As you can see,
shocking and inexplicable.
Local police worked the case for months trying to figure out
just how something like this
could have happened.
Yes. I have read all of the theories, maybe the...
the gun slipped out of his hand
and fell into the ocean,
maybe the poison didn't take.
Um, I even read one that said, "Maybe they just loved each other
and wanted to go on a boat."
So.
It's almost as strange as the Dr. Daniel case from last year.
A woman meets a "doctor" online.
Turns out he's really a doctor,
and now they're living together and everything's okay.
If you ask me,
I think he did kill her.
And he replaced her with a twin
no one knew about.
That's the only thing that makes any sense.
So...
What's the show about again?
Mystery at Sea.
The bombshell 86-hour documentary event continues...
after this.
And to finish off your trout,
you just wanna make
a simple bow.
Finishing touch...
and there we go.
Doesn't that look normal?
I mean, if it's your manager, I would say,
"Yeah, let him take your idea."
And always remember to force a laugh, even if it's not funny.
Okay. Yeah.
Okay. Who's next?
Hi, I'm Melinda.
Hi, Me--
Hey. Tch, tch, tch...
We know who you are.
You're not a big deal. Everybody.
We know who you are.
You're not a big deal.
- Great. - Thank you, guys. Thank you.
Well, when me and my friends eat junk food,
they always complain about how gross they feel.
And I want to be included,
but I never feel bad.
I actually like the way I look.
I don't know, what should I do?
Keep it to yourself.
Right. Thank you.
Who would like to go next?
Hi. Michelle, again.
Um...
I don't get offended when I'm texting with a guy
and he ghosts. I...
just genuinely feel like it's his loss.
I just have really high self-esteem.
It's okay. It's such a pain.
We all have it.
- Not your fault. - We all have it.
I like my thighs.
Like, I actually
like their round shape.
Last week, I gave an idea at a work meeting
and I didn't proceed it with, "Sorry, if I could just..."
And why do you feel you don't need to apologize for your presence?
It kind of feels like I have the right to just jump in
and disagree because I know that I'm as smart as everyone else is.
Wow. You don't.
Ladies, it's important
to remember that boldness in the workplace,
although touted as a virtue,
makes some people like you,
and make some people not like you.
Yeah, and that uncertainty should keep you up at night.
Clenching your jaw, can't sleep.
It is, it is.
We're talking about anxiety.
- Right? - Aw.
And if you don't have it, get some.
Okay, who... who wants to share next?
Guys, I let an old guy explain directions to me,
and I was already in the parking lot of where I was going.
Guys, I really messed up this week.
I did a twerk video,
and I did not make a funny face after it was done
to add levity to a sexual situation.
I just stared right at the camera and licked my lips.
- It's okay. - I know.
- It's okay. - Thank you.
You fucked up.
Um...
When I meet another woman,
or, like, the girlfriend of an ex,
I give her a normal handshake,
and I look her in the eyes, and I say, "Hello."
Okay.
Was this just one ex or is it several exes?
It's... I... Um... Well, they're all exes.
Okay, so you're saying you date a lot.
- Ooh... - Whore!
Piggybacking off of that sentiment,
um, when I walk into a bar, I sort of hold my head up high,
and actually make eye contact with the men.
Is that...
That's bad.
Do you-- Do you own the bar?
No.
Yeah, don't.
Um... My arms flap a little bit,
but I think it's kind of funny, like wings.
Like wings.
Yeah!
Okay, okay, that's...
That's enough laughter, I think.
Yeah. Let's keep it short.
And, also remember, repeat after me,
Girls are not funny.
Girls aren't funny,
and they never will be funny,
- Or President. - Good.
Yeah.
Traegus.
The only muscle powder that's nine percent ranch dressing.
Good morning,
fellow actors.
I'm Kip Wazzle.
I've been Nicole Kidman's stunt double for over 20 years.
And lately, I've got the bug.
The acting bug. So I--
Yeah, nice one.
Yeah. Cheers.
So--
I'm just gonna keep on talking.
That's how we do it in the biz.
Nothing stops us.
I've used some of my Hollywood connections
to get the old 'roo hopping, as we say.
Excuse me.
You need to sign in.
Sign in?
Sign your name...
right here.
Right. Right-o.
Kip...
Wazzle.
No autographs, please.
Except this one, right here.
That's a good scribbler.
Good structure.
Good pen ball retention.
Look at that. Look at that reaction time.
In, out. In, out.
Quick, quick.
It's a fine pen.
Can I keep it? I'm just kidding.
It's your pen.
Kip Wazzle, Jones and Wellesley Rip 'Em Stunts Stunting Agency.
Height, one-point-nine meters.
Weight, a lady never tells.
- I would never ask. - Six-point-two kilos.
Hair color, dyed blonde.
You know, the curtains don't match the quokka.
Also, what are those?
For safety, right? Safety first.
Well, they're just very distracting,
as is, the full back brace.
You noticed.
It's an old injury, but...
I'm ready.
I've done quite a bit of acting, actually.
You've gotta say the lines sometimes, as a stunt double.
As a stunt woman. I don't mean to assign gender.
So I'm quite comfortable on camera.
Look at the coordination.
And that was me slowing it down.
These sit-ups are called birthers.
Really grounds the pelvic floor.
And then you gotta do bum squeezes.
Hold it tight...
Bum squeeze.
Gotta have a tight bum.
Don't wanna be the only actress out there
without a tight bum. You'll stand out like dog's balls.
If I've learned one thing from stunting,
it's keep your tongue in your mouth
and cover your genitals.
The other thing I've learned is,
don't be afraid to stand out.
My God.
No worries. It's just a breakaway stubby.
Okay, um...
Do you wanna do the line?
Ma'am, take your chair.
The baseball is going.
Okay, so it's, "Ma'am, you'll have to take your seat.
The baseball game is starting."
Ma'am, have your chair.
- "Seat." - Have a sit.
"Take your seat."
Have your seat.
"The baseball game is starting."
Take a sit. Our baseball is starting.
Perfect. Nailed it.
That was great.
The script said it was a thriller.
What am I?
Who am I?
Michael Jackson.
In acting, acting isn't everything.
Other actresses might have the looks, right?
But can they do this?
My wrist guards are all right.
Safety first.
Do you love Mom Alerts,
but wish it wasn't just bad news?
Introducing Mom Alerts 2.0.
I think I saw that Polish actor, John Kaminski. Krasinski?
He was at the Rite Aid.
Send alert.
Mom's messages are turned into text,
and sent out over our network.
Today's Ally's birthday.
You should call her.
She's almost done with the divorce.
Send.
The other day, I got a Mom Alert that was just a picture.
Of this drain, with no text.
Glad I have that.
And sync up your app to your car and your TV to start getting updates
wherever you are.
Incoming Mom Alert.
It is raining very hard.
Michelle, what's going on
with your roommate situation from last week?
Um...
So, last week, I got these really cute jeans,
- and they look amazing on me. - No, let's...
Let's stay away from the word "amazing".
Unless...
Unless we're describing somebody else's good news.
- Sorry. - Then it's okay.
That's very good, yeah.
"Sorry." I love that.
Why don't you smile a little bit more?
- Pretty. - Thank you.
- You look so pretty. - Thank you.
- Smile. - Smile.
Don't smile so much.
Right? Let's just dim that light bulb a little bit. That's good.
- Yeah. Right there. - This?
Yeah, like-- like...
more lower teeth.
Yeah, that's it.
- We're there. - This is it?
We can put it aside for now.
- Just tell the story. - Okay.
So I was trying on the jeans in the living room,
and my roommate came in and she saw me in the jeans,
and she just started saying all these really mean things to me,
and then she said she didn't wanna go out that night.
So let me ask you,
is your roommate as attractive as you think you are?
Or is she less attractive, but you would describe her to a man
you were trying to set her up with as,
um... "well traveled" and, like, "so much fun to be around"?
Fine. No, she's...
She's not as pretty as me.
Is that what you want?
I'm gonna answer for you. Yes.
Your life's been easier than hers.
Um...
All of my family is dead,
and I was in a car accident last year,
and just for the record, I grew up, like,
really poor.
- Okay. - So...
But it doesn't matter.
Because you're hot now.
Right, right.
See, any past issues or trauma, they don't count.
They don't count because of how you look today.
- Okay. - Right?
So you being confident now...
right, even if it's fleeting, even if it's only for a moment,
flies in the face of her constant struggles.
I was just wearing cute jeans and smiling.
I wasn't trying to hurt...
Okay, well, why don't we use this famous women's intuition,
whatever the fuck that is, right?
And ask yourself,
how do you think that makes your roommate feel?
Like nothing in her life
will ever be good enough?
Like... her feelings on her best day
are still 100 times worse than my feelings,
even on my shittiest day?
Like nothing she's ever done before
or will ever do in the future
will ever even matter because the universe hates her,
so why doesn't she just move to a forest and give up
because no one's ever gonna read your pilot,
and these jeans are so fucking tight, and I hate my hair,
and no man will ever love me and I hate men,
but I really, really want a boyfriend!
Of course, you do!
Good job. Breakthrough?
Breakthrough for Michelle.
Thank you.
Okay, we can stop. Okay? Michelle, sit down.
Sit down, Michelle. Yeah, just...
You can stay seated.
Okay.
We have to remember that confidence is great, in theory.
But when you actually display it,
what?
It intimidates others
because people see personal happiness
as a direct attack on them
because of their own glaring personal insecurities.
Which aren't...
Which aren't your problem,
but will very soon become your problem
if you don't learn to please everyone
by toning down anything you see as a plus.
- Very good. - Yay!
But not that good.
Not that good.
Welcome back to Make--
- What are you doing? - I'm just, tying a bow--
No! No!
You're not supposed to just tie it!
You've gotta have precision!
And, Carrie, you don't just tie a ribbon
around a candle!
How about I tie a ribbon around your goddamn neck,
so you don't breathe so good anymore?
It's my show!